Be a Happier Parent

Ep 24: The Damaging Myth of the "Natural Mother" with Rose Stokes

You can find more about Rose at rosestokes.co.uk
Follow her on Instagram@rosestokes
Find me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent and YouTube @alexindadland
Keywords
parenthood, parenting, expectations, relationships, motherhood, fatherhood, identity, support, communication, growth
Summary
In this conversation, Alex and Rose explore the multifaceted journey of parenthood, discussing the challenges, expectations, and realities that come with raising children. They delve into the impact of societal pressures, the importance of trusting one's instincts, and the evolving dynamics between partners in parenting. The conversation highlights the significance of communication, compromise, and embracing imperfection in the parenting experience.
Takeaways
You don't truly understand parenthood until you experience it.The transition into parenthood is a long and complex process.Expectations from society can create unnecessary anxiety for new parents.Information overload can lead to guilt and confusion in parenting.Trusting your instincts is crucial in navigating parenthood.Parenting is a skill that develops over time through experience.Partners play a vital role in supporting each other during parenting.Communication and understanding between partners can alleviate pressure.It's important to embrace imperfection and learn from mistakes in parenting.Finding balance and compromise is essential for a healthy family dynamic.
Titles
The Realities of Parenthood UnveiledNavigating the Complexities of Parenting
Sound bites
"You don't get it until you get it.""It's a long thinking process.""We both do it together."
Chapters
00:00 Navigating the Complexities of Motherhood05:31 The Impact of Breastfeeding on Identity14:01 The Emotional Journey of Parenting19:59 Partner Dynamics in Parenting24:34 Balancing Roles and Responsibilities29:31 Imaginative Play: A Dad's Perspective32:14 Navigating Parenting Expectations35:02 The Overload of Parenting Information36:54 Trusting Parental Instincts38:44 The Dynamics of Partner Support40:42 The Reality of Parenting Challenges42:07 The Importance of Compromise in Parenting44:48 The Struggles of Weight and Body Image46:15 Communication and Conflict in Relationships52:25 NEWCHAPTER

Ep 23: Can We Parent Without Shame? With Elisabeth Harrod

Check out Elisabeth's website: https://www.purposeparenting.net/
Follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappier parent
Full videos of Episodes available on YouTube @alexindadland
Keywords
parenting, emotional regulation, shame, child development, dads, moms, self-worth, mistakes, gender dynamics, coaching
Summary
In this conversation, Elisabeth and Alex explore the dynamics of parenting, particularly focusing on the unique challenges and perspectives of dads. They discuss the importance of emotional regulation, the impact of shame on parenting, and the necessity of allowing children to learn from their mistakes. The conversation also delves into gender dynamics in parenting roles and the significance of fostering self-worth in children, emphasizing the need for parents to support their children while also allowing them the space to grow and learn independently.
Takeaways
Elisabeth connects more easily with men than women.Parental expectations can create shame in children.Ending shame involves replacing it with acceptance.Emotional regulation is crucial for children.Parents often do too much for their children.Children need to learn from their mistakes.Gender dynamics influence parenting styles.Self-worth is essential for children's development.Parents' egos can be tied to their children's outcomes.Teaching children to solve their own problems fosters independence.
Titles
Connecting with Dads: A Unique PerspectiveUnderstanding Parental Expectations and Child Development
Sound bites
"I connect more easily with men.""This is creating shame.""You can do it."
Chapters
00:00 Connecting with Dads: The Podcast Journey06:04 Understanding Parenting Expectations and Shame10:48 Collaborative Parenting: Meeting Children Where They Are11:40 The Role of Shame in Parenting16:25 Emotional Regulation: Teaching Kids to Express Feelings21:36 Gender Differences in Emotional Expression27:22 The Impact of Control on Children's Learning31:13 Leveraging Children's Interests for Connection32:33 The Reality of Parenting Expectations34:54 Guilt, Shame, and the Dark Side of Parenting36:00 Navigating Teenage Independence41:34 The Balance of Nurturing and Independence43:14 Fearless Parenting: Letting Go46:28 The Role of Fathers in Parenting47:38 Transitioning from Boys to Men51:01 Empowering Problem Solving in Children52:49 Navigating Shame and Self-Worth

Ep 22: What we ALL want for Christmas with Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino

Don't worry it's not all about Christmas! Christmas is a great framework to discuss some really important issues.
If you want to help with the amazing "Equalish" podcast, check out their crowd funding campaign, here: https://www.ifundwomen.com/projects/equal-ish-podcast
Please follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent
Full vidoes of episodes available on YouTube @alexindadland
Keywords
gender roles, fatherhood, emotional labor, parenting, equality, family dynamics, holiday traditions, shame, guilt, identity
Summary
This conversation delves into the evolving roles of parents, particularly focusing on gender dynamics in parenting. The speakers discuss how traditional gender roles impact both men and women, the importance of open conversations before becoming parents, and the need for shared emotional labor in family dynamics. They explore the significance of creating joy during holidays and the challenges of breaking down societal norms and gatekeeping. The discussion also touches on the concepts of shame and guilt in parenting, emphasizing the need to redefine identities and scripts around parenthood.
Takeaways
Gender roles are often gendered and can hurt both men and women.The role of fathers has evolved significantly over the years.Conversations about parenting should start before the baby arrives.Emotional labor and cognitive tasks often fall disproportionately on one partner.Teaching boys to notice and participate in household tasks is crucial.Creating joy during holidays can enhance family connections.Mothers should feel empowered to take time away from home.Shame is tied to identity, while guilt is tied to actions.It's important to challenge and redefine parenting scripts.Parents should reflect on their values and identities regularly.
Titles
Redefining Parenthood: Gender Roles and Emotional LaborThe Changing Face of Fatherhood
Sound bites
"Gender roles hurt men too.""Shame is tied to our identity.""Who do I want to be as a parent?"
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to the Conversation02:53 Exploring Gender Roles in Parenting06:11 The Evolution of Fatherhood06:21 The Importance of Shared Responsibilities08:20 Cognitive and Emotional Labor in Households11:28 The Role of Antenatal Programs13:52 The Impact of Societal Expectations16:43 The Concept of 'Noticing' in Parenting18:58 Creating Joy During the Holidays22:16 Navigating Family Dynamics at Christmas24:52 Breaking Down Barriers to Equality27:37 Conclusion and Reflections29:19 The Dynamics of Gatekeeping and Power31:40 Traditions and the Role of Women33:16 Changing Family Dynamics and Emotional Labor34:54 The Importance of Caregiving Roles36:08 Building Relationships Through Shared Joy39:24 The Challenge of Emotional Vulnerability in Parenting43:53 Learning from Dads: The Value of Different Parenting Styles45:25 Shame, Guilt, and Identity in Parenting

Ep 21: Strength, Grief and Trust with Dr Anna Whitwham

We were discussing Anna's most recent book: "Soft Tissue Damage" 
Also check out her novel: "Boxer Handsome"
Follow me on TikTok and Instagram @beahappierparent and find videos of these episodes on YouTube @alexindadland
Keywords
masculinity, identity, vulnerability, shame, literature, parenting, relationships, emotional health, gender roles, self-discovery
Summary
In this conversation, Anna and Alex delve into the complexities of masculinity, exploring its constructs and representations in literature, the evolution of male identity, and the role of vulnerability and shame. They discuss the importance of female perspectives in understanding masculinity and the significance of building supportive networks for future generations. The dialogue emphasizes the need for emotional health and the impact of relationships on personal growth.
Takeaways
Identity is a construct, and masculinity can take many forms.Literature reflects the evolution of male identity over time.Vulnerability is a crucial aspect of masculinity.Shame can lead to destructive patterns of behavior.Care and support are essential in male friendships.Finding strength in vulnerability can lead to personal growth.Female perspectives are vital in understanding masculinity.Witnessing experiences is crucial for emotional health.Building a supportive network is important for children.The dynamics of female friendships differ from male friendships. 
Titles
The Many Faces of MasculinityLiterary Reflections on Male Identity
Sound bites
"Identity is construct, right?""You have to learn not to fight.""This is a book about healing."
Chapters
00:00 Exploring Masculinity in Literature04:31 The Evolution of Male Protagonists07:20 The Impact of War on Masculinity10:10 Shame and Vulnerability in Men13:00 The Role of Alcohol in Masculine Identity15:54 Understanding Shame and Forgiveness18:02 The Gendered Experience of Shame21:04 Parenting and Masculinity23:33 The Intersection of Boxing and Identity26:24 Navigating Relationships and Violence28:08 The Journey of Self-Discovery through Sport35:28 The Comfort of Kebab and Vulnerability36:10 The Female Perspective on Masculinity38:35 Conversations on Care and Masculinity40:53 Healing Through Boxing and Loss43:19 Understanding Aging and Care46:41 The Role of Witnessing in Relationships49:26 Navigating Mortality and Parenthood52:42 The Dynamics of Female Friendships54:55 Blending Families and Modern Relationships54:55 Introduction to Soft Tissue Damage54:55 Exploring Anna Witwam's Works

Ep 20: How to be a Great Husband with Brian Page

Check out Modern Husbands https://www.modernhusbands.com/
Follow me on Instagram and TikTok and check out videos of these eps on Youtube @alexindadland
Keywords
household roles, domestic labor, marital satisfaction, Fair Play system, emotional labor, financial conversations, parenting, money values, relationship dynamics, pandemic impact
Summary
In this conversation, Brian Page discusses the evolving roles of men and women in household management, particularly in the context of the pandemic. He emphasizes the benefits of shared domestic labor, including increased marital satisfaction and personal happiness for men. The discussion also covers the Fair Play system, which aims to create efficiency in household tasks, and the emotional dynamics that arise from managing a home. Additionally, the conversation touches on the importance of financial discussions in relationships and how to teach children about money and values.
Takeaways
Shared household labor leads to greater marital satisfaction.Men report higher personal happiness when involved in domestic tasks.Being a domestic safety net allows for authentic self-expression.Understanding emotional labor is crucial for efficient household management.The Fair Play system promotes equitable task ownership in homes.Financial discussions should happen when emotions are low for clarity.Teaching children about money can shape their values and character.Regular money dates can help couples manage finances better.Appreciation for each other's contributions is vital in relationships.Navigating household roles requires open communication and empathy.
Titles
Redefining Masculinity in Domestic SpacesThe Joy of Shared Household Responsibilities
Sound bites
"You can't weaponize this either.""Use money to shape who they are.""Always start with the good stuff."
Chapters
00:00 Embracing Change: The Empty Nester Transition03:34 The Birth of Modern Husbands: A Personal Journey06:01 The Benefits of Shared Household Responsibilities08:06 Understanding Domestic Labor: Mental Load and Efficiency10:44 Navigating Societal Expectations: The Financial Provider Dilemma12:52 Fair Play: A System for Equitable Household Management15:42 Emotional Labor and Relationship Dynamics17:56 The Importance of Appreciation in Relationships20:51 Negotiating Household Standards: Finding Common Ground23:33 The Evolving Role of Men in Domestic Spaces32:03 Navigating the Messy World of Caregiving34:20 Balancing Relationships and Parenting36:31 Practical Tips for Couples with Young Kids38:07 Understanding Perpetual Arguments in Relationships43:32 The Economics of Caregiving and Financial Decisions53:33 Learning Through Conflict and Money Conversations

Ep 19: Can We Build Resilience? With Tim Curtis

You can find additional resources from Tim here: https://resilienceshield.com/
Please follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent
Full videos of the episodes available on YouTube @alexindadland
Keywords
resilience, parenting, adversity, children, self-leadership, technology, community, struggle, mental health, emotional intelligence
Summary
In this conversation, Tim Curtis shares his insights on resilience, particularly in children, drawing from his experiences in the SAS and his work in teaching resilience. He emphasizes the importance of adversity in building resilience, the role of struggle in achieving happiness, and the need for children to engage in free play and face risks to develop agency and problem-solving skills. Curtis also discusses the impact of technology on children's mental health and the importance of trust and communication in parenting.
Takeaways
Resilience is built through adversity and stress.Children need to experience some stress to develop resilience.Allowing children to sit in their emotions is crucial for self-awareness.Struggle is essential for true happiness and growth.Boredom can lead to creativity and self-leadership in children.Community and free play are vital for children's development.Technology can impair resilience if not monitored properly.Trusting children to navigate risks fosters independence.Parents should model vulnerability and risk-taking for their children.Building a supportive community can enhance parenting and child development.
Titles
Building Resilient Kids: Insights from an SAS VeteranThe Importance of Adversity in Child Development
Sound bites
"Resilience needs stress to be built.""With risk comes opportunity.""You can't just strip out the risk."
Chapters
00:00 From Soldier to Advocate for Children06:29 The Link Between Resilience and Morality06:42 Understanding Resilience: Definitions and Components11:28 Resilience: A Dynamic and Modifiable Concept16:07 The Necessity of Adversity in Building Resilience20:24 Happiness Through Struggle vs. Comfort24:27 Harnessing Synthetic Happiness for Better Outcomes25:03 Navigating Happiness: Synthetic vs. Enduring Joy26:05 The Importance of Boredom and Self-Leadership28:40 Challenging Negativity Bias in Parenting29:53 The Role of Free Play in Child Development34:23 Understanding Screen Time and Its Impact42:50 Lessons from Parenting: Embracing Individuality46:20 Finding Alternatives to Team Sports47:56 The Power of Communal Parenting51:42 Risk, Opportunity, and Resilience in Parenting

Ep 18: Trauma, Healing and Change with Ben May

You can find the New Normal Charity @tnncharity on Instagram. Website: https://www.thenewnormalcharity.org/
Ben also coaches men on developing empathy and changing the way they think, behave and react both in work and life. You can find him on Instagram @ldn_brbr or email ben@thenewnormalcharity.org
Please follow me on Instagram or TikTok @beahappierparent. Full videos of the episodes are available on YouTube @alexindadland
Keywords
grief, trauma, identity, loss, support, relationships, parenthood, mental health, healing, self-discovery
Summary
In this conversation, Alex Trippier and Ben discuss the complexities of grief, trauma, and identity. They explore how personal experiences shape our understanding of loss and the importance of shared experiences in healing. Ben shares his journey through grief after losing his father and how it impacted his relationships and behavior. They also touch on the gendered responses to grief and the societal expectations placed on men. The discussion emphasizes the need for open communication and support in navigating grief and the ongoing journey of self-discovery and change.
Takeaways
Grief is a unique experience for everyone.Time does not erase the pain of loss.Shared experiences can foster connection and understanding.Men often struggle to express their emotions.Parenthood can change one's perspective on grief.Trauma can shape our identities and behaviors.It's important to seek support during difficult times.Understanding different types of loss is crucial.Communication is key in relationships affected by grief.Self-discovery is an ongoing journey influenced by our past.
Titles
Navigating the Complexities of GriefThe Impact of Trauma on Identity
Sound bites
"I just want to feel normal again.""Grief is a confusing thing.""Men don't speak about things."
Chapters
00:00 Understanding Grief and the New Normal37:30 The Scotch Egg Theory of Grief46:12 The Complexity of Loss and Relationships49:11 Gender Differences in Grief Responses51:01 The Journey of Self-Discovery in Fatherhood56:35 Understanding Addiction and Masculinity01:01:19 Parenting and Personal Growth

Ep 17: What Happens When Dads are Put in Charge? With Dr Marte Bergan

Check out Marte’s full thesis here:
https://ora.ox.ac.uk/objects/uuid:800e3289-08ad-449f-a00d-f5da87f1100d
You help make some similar changes to our parental leave system by getting involved with The Dad Shift www.dadshift.org.uk
Please follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent
 
Keywords
gender equality, Norway, parental leave, daddy quota, family dynamics, cultural values, work-life balance, childcare, feminism, societal norms
Summary
In this conversation, Marte discusses the cultural and governmental factors that have shaped gender equality in Norway, particularly in relation to parental leave policies and the daddy quota. The discussion explores the evolving roles of fathers in childcare, the dynamics of resentment in relationships, and the long-term impacts of these policies on family life. Marte emphasizes the importance of shared responsibilities and the need for societal change to foster a more egalitarian approach to parenting and work-life balance.
Takeaways
Gender equality is deeply embedded in Norwegian culture.Government policies have played a crucial role in promoting gender equality.The daddy quota encourages fathers to take an active role in childcare.Cultural values in Norway prioritize family time and work-life balance.Mothers often retain the managerial role in family dynamics.Resentment can arise from unequal distribution of parenting responsibilities.Parental leave policies impact long-term family relationships.Fathers in Norway are seen as experts in childcare due to their involvement.The corporate culture in Norway supports flexible working hours for both parents.Societal norms need to evolve to support shared parenting responsibilities.
Titles
Exploring Gender Equality in NorwayThe Impact of the Daddy Quota
Sound bites
"It's in our national DNA.""We value family time.""It's use it or lose it."
Chapters
00:00 Cultural Foundations of Parenthood04:03 The Daddy Quota: A Game Changer06:55 Work-Life Balance in Norway vs. the UK08:37 The Impact of Gender Roles on Parenting11:06 Men's Perspectives on Parenting and Work13:35 Long-Term Effects of Parental Leave Policies16:09 The Importance of Shared Responsibilities19:03 Conclusions and Future Directions31:42 Work-Life Balance in Norway vs. the UK34:45 Resentment in Parenting Roles36:51 Judgment and Gender Expectations40:53 Redefining Parenting Roles45:56 The Manager vs. Expert Dynamic49:57 Cultural Shifts in Parenting52:43 The System of Gendered Parenting

Ep 16: How Not to Hate Your Partner with Jancee Dunn

Find me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent
Summary
In this conversation, Jancee Dunn shares her experiences navigating the complexities of marriage and parenthood, highlighting the unexpected challenges that arise when transitioning into parenthood. She discusses the importance of communication, the impact of societal expectations on relationships, and the necessity of seeking help through couples therapy. Dunn emphasizes the need for clarity in roles and responsibilities, as well as the importance of reconnecting with one's partner after having children. The conversation also touches on the challenges of maintaining intimacy and the emotional toll of parenting on relationships.
Chapters
00:00 Communication Breakdown in Relationships07:42 The Asymmetry of Communication Between Genders10:21 Understanding Stonewalling and Its Effects16:19 The Role of Empathy in Conflict Resolution18:14 Seeking Help: The Journey to Therapy24:30 Terry Real's Tough Love Approach30:39 The Impact of Parental Conflict on Children32:20 Breaking the Cycle of Anger33:13 Understanding Communication in Relationships33:58 Reconnecting as Partners34:53 Navigating the Transition to Empty Nest35:48 Establishing Systems for Relationship Health37:30 The Importance of Date Nights38:56 Mindfulness in Parenting and Relationships42:51 The Impact of Sensuality on Intimacy43:49 The Work Behind a Healthy Sex Life47:51 Resentment and Connection in Relationships51:29 Preparing for Parenthood53:31 The Division of Labor in Parenting56:03 Negotiation and Clarity in Relationships56:53 The Power Imbalance in Relationships
Keywords
parenthood, relationships, communication, couples therapy, intimacy, family dynamics, conflict resolution, marriage, parenting challenges, emotional connection
Takeaways
We were one of those annoying couples who rarely fought.You don't know until it happens how your life is going to completely turn upside down.We passed it, but not us.There's something taboo about this fighting that goes on behind closed doors.I would expect him to read my mind.It's not taking a break. It's punitive.You can't talk to him like that.What are you giving to the relationship?You have to learn to negotiate.It's comforting to know a lot of us are going through this.
Titles
Navigating Parenthood: The Realities of MarriageCommunication in Relationships: The Key to Connection
Sound Bites
"We passed it, but not us.""You can't talk to him like that.""You have to learn to negotiate."
 
 
 

Ep 15: Teenagers and the Wonder and Delight of Uncertainty with Rachel Kelly

You can find Rachel on https://rachel-kelly.net/
Follow me on Instagram @beahappierparent
Summary
In this conversation, Rachel Kelly discusses the complexities of parenting teenagers, emphasizing the importance of self-relationship, connection, and understanding. She explores how parents can navigate their own needs while fostering autonomy in their children, the illusion of control, and the impact of societal expectations on parenting. The dialogue highlights the significance of compassion, judgment, and the evolving nature of parent-child relationships as children grow into adulthood.
Takeaways
Your main relationship is with yourself.Connecting with teenagers requires understanding and compassion.Parents must navigate their own needs while supporting their children.The illusion of control can hinder relationships with teenagers.Managing expectations and anxiety is crucial in parenting.Embracing differences and individuality fosters connection.Judgment can be detrimental; compassion is key.The parent-child relationship evolves as children grow.Supporting children means assisting, not rescuing them.Parenting becomes more rewarding as children mature.
Keywords
parenting, teenagers, self-relationship, connection, control, anxiety, compassion, individuality, judgment, growth
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Personal Connections04:20 Emotional Regulation and Connection05:32 The Evolution of Parent-Teen Relationships06:43 Letting Go of Control09:30 The Shift in Parenting Dynamics10:19 Practical Strategies for Better Communication12:41 Expectations and Reality in Family Life15:51 The Importance of Timing in Conversations18:28 Nutrition and Well-being for Teenagers24:53 Navigating Parenting Challenges26:58 Understanding Anxiety in Parenting29:29 The Gendered Anxiety Gap33:43 Embracing Uncertainty in Parenting37:54 Judgment and Compassion in Parenting42:10 The Importance of Connection45:06 Redefining Pride and Agency in Parenting51:24 The Evolving Parent-Child Relationship
Titles
Navigating the Teenage Years: A Parent's GuideThe Art of Connection: Parenting Teens
Sound Bites
"We want to connect, right?""What else could be possible?""You can learn and grow."